Mature Content

        When I was first pregnant, I couldn't wait to do things like watch Sesame Street and listen to Tom Chapin (the artist I listened to as a kid) with my little one. Even when she was a baby, I would play kids music every now and then in the car, or put on PBS in the mornings. I was so sensitive to what I watched around her or listened to, because I wasn't sure how much she was hearing. I thought it was so cute when she actually started to get excited about certain music or shows, and I couldn't wait to see her pleased face when I turned on something she liked. That went out the window as soon as I met Dora the Explorer. Don't get me wrong, I love me some Dora. Princess has picked up quite a bit of spanish from the show, and it's great as far as problem solving goes, but really... does she have to shout? I really don't think everything is quite as exciting as she makes it out to be. Dora isn't the only problem. It turns out that kids like repitition. As in, Princess finds one song she likes and wants to listen to it over and over and over and over and over and over again in the car. I have a feeling that this is a major contribution to minivan road rage. I have heard "hickory dickory dock" so many times that when I hear bells my eye starts to twitch. We bought a cd written by Sandra Boynton who is an awesome children's author and there were some great names on it. Blues Traveler, The Bacon Brothers, even Kate Winslet and Weird Al have a duet. My husband and I were excited because we actually liked the music! We finally had a cd that was both appropriate for the kids and something we wanted to listen to! That lasted about a week, when  we couldn't get past the first song because it was her favorite and the only thing she would listen to. My husband has sort of solved this problem for himself by declaring that when he's driving, we play Daddy music. Which, while I will say Daddy music is the most eclectic mix ever with music from Johnny Cash to Earth Crisis, has recently been nothing but Ke$ha. I hadn't heard of her when Daddy dearest first bought the cd, but as soon as I saw that she had a dollar sign in her name I knew it had to be good. There's some real classics on there, with lyrics such as, "Do you wanna have a slumber party in my basement?" to spelling out the word "dinosaur" in reference to an old guy hitting on her. Which, actually, has taught Princess to spell the words "dinosaur" and "old man", so I guess I shouldn't be complaining. The thing is that her music is actually kind of catchy, and both the girls had fun dancing to it so we breathed a sigh of relief, escaped terrible recordings of children singing and had dance parties in the car. This works fine until your lovely little ones start actually repeating what they hear in the music. When she started singing, "Stephen, why won't you call me?" while playing with her dolls one day, I knew there was a problem. It's kind of surreal when you realize that these little creatures that have been living with you for a few years are actually people and will actually start to talk, not only to you, but to anyone they run into. This makes you really start to think about what they are picking up on around the house. At least, it should. I have a bad habit of watching tv while I fold laundry. It's really the only way I can make myself fold laundry without wanting to jump in front of a bus, and usually it's something that I save until the girls go to bed so that I can actually watch my show in peace. Every now and then, I will try to do this chore and watch something while they play, usually in the same room. Hulu, the greatest thing ever invented, makes it really easy for me to keep up on shows that I normally can't stay awake for like Saturday Night Live. Kind of sad that I can't stay awake to watch a show that I used to want to work for, but them's the breaks with kids right? Anyway, recently Justin Timberlake hosted and he and Andy Samberg did one of their songs. Seriously hilarious. I admit a played it a few times, which turns out was a pretty big mistake. As any parent knows, the grocery store is where we usually find out what our children are learning from us. Strangers love to approach children in grocery stores and ask them questions. I am always completely terrified about what might come out of Princess' mouth. I have no idea what I will do when Pea starts to talk, because right now I can hold one hand over someone's mouth and still have one hand to push the cart. This probably comes from the time that Princess saw a really fit woman in a bathing suit on a magazine cover and began to explain loudly how her body differed from mine when I'm naked. I'm sure if I had personal trainers and people I paid to shave my legs and do my hair or maybe just had 5 minutes alone in the bathroom I would look like that too. Anyway, we were checking out at the grocery store, and I heard Princess start to hum a famliar tune. I couldn't place what it was exactly, and was sort of distracted, until I heard her small voice saying, "It's ok... three ways. It's not gaaaaaayyyyyyy in a three ways!" Now, when small children talk, you can't always understand what they are saying. I was counting on this happening in this moment, but judging from the fact that the cashiers jaw hit the counter and the entire store stopped moving, I think she was choosing that moment to speak perfectly clear.
 "I...uh-I mean...hey babe-let's not sing too loud, ok?" Meanwhile Mrs. Marlboro '79 ringing up my stuff is still not moving.
"It's just-" I'm trying to explain! Where are words that can explain this?
"It's from Saturday Night Live and-"
She finally moves. "You let her stay up and watch Saturday Night Live?"
"YES!" I want to shout. "I put red bull in her sippy cup and make her stay up on Saturday Nights! She's also my wingman when I go out bar hopping!"
Instead I just stammer an apology, pay for my groceries, and leave the store red faced. Meanwhile, Princess has not stopped singing or dancing the entire time. And really, while we are on the subject of children repeating what they see, Moms should take some proper dance lessons before they have kids. You really don't want you kids thinking that dancing like Ally McBeal is actually good like my kids do.
         I have since had a talk with Princess about when it's appropriate to talk about things. But really, since I definitely wasn't going to explain what a three way is, it wasn't a very meaningful conversation. Instead, I went through my cd's in the car and sadly put away Ke$ha, Avenue Q, and a few other gems for embarrassment. Looks like I am back to living in hell, driving around listening to Hickory Dickory Dock on repeat.