Princess: I am a fish!

I am so good at swimming! Last week I told Daddy that I wanted to go underwater and so I took my floaties off and I went under water and opened my eyes and I swam like a fish! When we went to the pool again I got my goggles and then I was really good at swimming. I would jump off the edge of the pool and then swim to Daddy and I was so fast! I even learned how to stop and put my head up so I could breathe and then keep swimming again. The best part was that I learned out to do a flip underwater! I am just like a sea turtle! Now Pea uses my floaties but all she does is lay down in the water and float around. She's not a fish like me yet. Maybe I will teach her someday when she is bigger like me!

Pea: Secrets!

Princess and Daddy are always telling secrets and I am so jealous! Daddy thinks that her secrets are so funny and I wanted to get in on it too! So I decided the other day that I was going to tell Mommy a secret. I got real close to her ear and whispered something. She started laughing! I don't even know what I said but it must have been funny! I did it again on the other side and she laughed again! Then she told me a secret but all she said was, "I love you" which really isn't a secret. Evidently secrets are only things that are said in a low voice in someone's ear. It doesn't even matter what you say! Now that I know the secret about secrets, I am the best secret teller ever!

Princess and Pea Diary: Uncle Ka-Ka and Aunt Amy Visit!

Princess: My Uncle Ka-Ka and Aunt Amy came to vist me!
Pea: They came to see me too!
Princess: But mostly me. They came in their really cool car and I had to wait all day to see them and it was really boring because Mommy was cleaning the house but then they were there! And they brought presents!
Pea: I got some too!
Princess: We got bubbles and a whole bunch of bubble wands and sunglasses!
Pea: My sunglasses are cool because they are dragon glasses!
Princess: We traded sunglasses, remember? Mine are the dragon ones!
Pea: But I like them!
Princess: Yours are the pink ones!
Pea: Oh ok. I like those too!
Princess: Anyway Ka-Ka and Amy are so much fun! We got to play games with them all night and we ate popcorn and watched TV except that Pea kept hogging the popcorn.
Pea: Well I couldn't reach it from Mommy's lap so I had to bring it with me! Plus I made up the best game.
Princess: I'm pretty sure you had seen me do it before.
Pea: No! What you do is stand on the chair and then Uncle Ka-Ka puts out his arms and you just fall into them! SO AWESOME!
Princess: The best was when I did it backwards!
Pea: The best was when I did it front...wards
Princess: ANYWAY we had to go to sleep but I got to kiss them goodnight and when I woke up I couldn't wait to see them! I kept asking Mommy if I could go wake them up but she made me wait.
Pea: Me too! I wanted to wake them up!
Princess: You were still sleeping, Pea!
Pea: Oh.
Princess: Anyway, I FINALLY got to wake them up and then they came and had pancakes with me! I like having breakfast with other people besides Mommy because she is boring. Then we went and got dressed because we were going downtown!
Pea: I didn't want to get dressed. I like being naked.
Princess: Me too but I looked really pretty with my shirt with buttons and my pink skirt! When we were in the van I got to ride in the back with Aunt Amy!
Pea: And I got to ride in the middle by myself and Uncle Ka-Ka was playing with me the whole time!
Princess: Aunt Amy is the best because she likes to sing with me and tell me stories and I told her how there were crocodiles in the town that we had to save like from Diego. Good thing I learned what to do because crocodiles are scared of people!
Pea: And I got to eat crackers!
Princess: First we went to the tunnel store which is where my Daddy lives. Well, Mommy says that's not where he lives but it's where his office is. And he's there a lot so it's kind of where he lives during the day.
Pea: But at night he comes home and snuggles with me!
Princess: And me! Anyway we picked out some lunch and I got to walk around with them all by myself  and I helped them pick out all the best things to eat.
Pea: I helped Mommy get lots of water and then I drank some.
Princess: Your life is thrilling, Pea. After that we went to the playground!! The playground is sooooo fun because there's so much to do and there is a real fire truck to play on! I got to drive everyone around!
Pea: I did too!
Princess: Uncle Cawey (I can finally say his name!) is the best because he went under the playground with us and we made birthday cakes with the rocks and sticks and they were so yummy and pretty!
Pea: The was my favorite part!
Princess: Then I had to go potty so Mommy and I went and we got tickets for the train! I was really worried that the train would leave without us but Mommy said it wouldn't. When we got back Pea and Amy and Cawey were swinging so I wanted to swing too!
Pea: Aunt Amy is the best! She got me my hat so the sun was off my face and she put my other hat on the swing so it wouldn't be too hot on my legs.
Princess: It was pretty hot on the swing so we went to have lunch. I also got to show off how I good I am at walking on top of walls!
Pea: Me too! I was singing my theme song like I do whenever I do anything dangerous-it goes "De da da da! De da da da!" Pretty cool.
Princess: Well, I don't need a theme song to be cool! Anyway we played a little but then it was time to ride the train and Mommy got us snow cones to eat!
Pea: I was so lucky because I had Mommy AND Amy feeding me mine! I cooled down really fast!
Princess: The train is fun because you get to go through tunnels! The best tunnel is the one at the end but it was kind of scary because all the kids on the train started screaming when we were inside and I didn't know what was wrong!
Pea: I think they just like to scream. I like to scream! Listen! AAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
Princess: ANYWAY! After the train ride we were all sweaty so we went to Barton Springs to swim. I love swimming underwater!
Pea: I was getting pretty sleepy but I still wanted to swim for a little bit. But then I decided that I wanted a nap so Mommy took me up on the hill under our umbrella and we cuddled and I fell asleep.
Princess: I got to swim with Cawey and Amy all by myself! My favorite part was when I swam in between his legs because it was like a tunnel! Then I was getting sleepy too so I came up and laid down with Mommy. But then I decided I wasn't sleepy so instead we painted Mommy's nails. It was a good thing I had remembered my nail polish! I was hungry too since I was too excited before to eat lunch so we all had snack and played with my Mickey Mouse toys that I got for being a good nurse for Daddy and talked. Cawey is good at playing with Mickey Mouse toys. He is really good at doing the Donald Duck voice! Pea took a REALLY long nap but she finally woke up and I wanted to go home but we decided to go feed the ducks instead. I'm not really sure what happened next because we got in the stroller and I fell asleep.
Pea: I was awake!! We went down to the lake and we got out our bread and we fed the ducks and the turtles and the pigeons and there was even a squirrel! I was really good at it. The pieces I threw were the biggest ones and I screamed, "EAT!" at the animals so they would know what to do. Then we went back to the car so we could go get something to eat and cool off.
Princess: I really hate waking up from naps! Especially hot sweaty naps when I am thirsty! But it was nice and cool at the restaurant and I made everyone laugh because I put straws in my mouth and gave myself fangs and pretended I was a bat!
Pea: I did it too!
Princess: You only did it because I did!
Pea: But everyone laughed at me too!
Princess: Whatever. Dinner was good but then we got to go to the toy store!! The toy store is great because they have all kinds of kitty cat stuff and I told Mommy everything that I wanted for my birthday!
Pea: My favorite part was riding the horseys!
Princess: They are donkeys Pea. But they are the best! You can bounce on them and some have silly costumes. Plus they have really cute little tiny baby ones!
Pea: I didn't want to leave so Mommy gave me a baby one to carry around but guess what? I sat on it anyway and it was fun!
Princess: I found a whole bucket of snakes and guess what? There was a pink one in there and it was my favorite!!
Pea: I wrapped the pink one all around me and it looked cool!
Princess: Then we got strawberry milkshakes because they sell them at the toy store too!
Pea: They even have baby ones just my size!
Princess: They are really good. It was hard though because Mommy held them in the car and I had to wait all the way until we got to the place to watch the bats to eat mine!
Pea: I hadn't seen the bats before so I was really excited!
Princess: All the bats live under this bridge and everyone goes and watches them when they fly out at night. I was telling Amy that bats eat fruit but Mommy said that these bats eat bugs. Gross!
Pea: They flew out and they were everywhere!! And they were squeaky!
Princess: I kind of got tired of the bats pretty quick so I just started running around. Cawey ran with me! I didn't want to leave but it was getting late so we all went to the van and got into our pajamas and rode home. I really wanted Mommy to play the doctor song but she said it wasn't working and we played something else. Sometimes I don't think Mommy tells me the truth about things.
Pea: I tried to stay awake but I was very tired and I fell alseep.
Princess: I didn't! I stayed awake all the way home and I didn't want to go to sleep in my bed so I got to come out and talk to Cawey and Amy for awhile. I love them so much! It was really hard because when we got up in the morning I wanted to go wake them up but they were gone!
Pea: I was so sad to see that they had left!
Princess: It was the best day ever. I hope they come see us again!
Pea: Me too!

Princess Diary: Punk Rock Princess!

       Guess what I got to do for the very first time this weekend? I got my hair cut! First we took my Mommy to get her hair cut and then I thought it was my turn but we had to wait some more and have lunch. I kept saying that I was not very good at waiting but they made me wait anyway! We finally got over to my haircut place and I wanted Daddy to come in too but Pea was asleep in the car so he stayed with her so just me and my Mommy went. We went inside and it was so cool! They had all kinds of pretty wands and wings and tiaras and things to look at, and then we got to play with trains and do puzzles while we waited! When it was my turn I got to pick where I wanted to sit. They had an airplane, and a yellow car, and a fire truck. I picked the fire truck of course! The best part was that it had a bell you could ring on the front! Mommy got me strapped in and then the haircut lady started brushing my hair. Honestly, I didn't even notice because the panda bear was on TV so I just watched him the whole time. I wanted to hold Mommy's hand the first time the haircut lady cut my hair because I thought it might hurt, but it didn't hurt at all! It was over pretty quick and I got to have a lollipop and pick a prize out of the prize box! I thought that I was going to get to pick out a tiara or a wand so I was sad when I saw the prize box because there wasn't anything cool in there. Mommy found a pink thing though and when you push it and set it on the table it pops up into the air! Not as cool as a tirara, but it will do. They also gave me a card with a little bit of my hair inside and a picture of me so I can always remember my first haircut. I looked so awesome in that fire truck! The main reason I wanted to get my hair cut is because Mommy said that after I did that we could put pink in my hair. I have been asking for my hair to be pink for a long time now and she FINALLY let me! First I had to wash my hair and then I had to dry it. Mommy put a little pink in her hair too so she did all the steps with me. I thought the pink stuff might hurt my head, but it didn't! I just had to leave it in FOREVER and not touch it which was very hard. We watched a movie while we waited, but it wasn't a movie I wanted to watch. Mommy and Daddy said it was a movie for me but I didn't like it very much. Anyway we finally got to wash it out and guess what? I have pink in my hair now!! It's only a little bit though because Mommy said we had to see if I liked it first so I told her that I like it and that I want it ALL OVER my head! She said maybe next time. She says that A LOT. People keep telling me how cool they think my pink hair is and I'm prettty sure the other kids I see are jealous. Someone today called me a Princess!! Maybe because I was wearing a princess dress and had my dancing shoes and a wand, but probably because of my pink hair. I'm going to have pink hair FOREVER!

Power Struggles with Pea

           My little Pea is growing up. She seems to have really hit a developmental growth spurt these past couple of weeks and is turning into quite the grown up! Basically, this means that she has started to not only figure out that she wants things how she wants them, but also that she has power over me. Namely: absolutely refusing to do something by running away, using her fat rolls as weapons, and throwing tantrums. She will no longer get into her carseat willingly, will run away immediately upon seeing a diaper or clothes in my hands, and has pretty much taken on the dominant role when it comes to breastfeeding. Although she hasn't quite figured out that she can pull up my shirt in the grocery store checkout line like Princess did, it's getting to be pretty close. Nursing is always so lovely in the beginning! You cuddle your little one, using the bonding time to stare lovingly down at them and admire how perfect they are. As they get older, they start to set the terms. It's like... well have you ever seen a nature show where a lion chases down an antelope and you watch it chowing down afterwards? It's kind of like that, with only a little less blood. Nowadays Pea throws me down, pulls my shirt up, has her way with me and leaves me rocking in the corner and crying. But the way Pea has really chosen to show her newfound independence is when we go to the store. The store is a hard place for kids because they are used to going places where they are allowed to play with everything and they have no concept of money so they don't understand why they can't carry around that crystal vase since it's so pretty. Princess will sometimes ride in the cart or walk with me, but she has pretty much gotten past the stage of just grabbing things off the shelves or throwing tantrums about wanting something. She has started to grasp the idea of money, and since she can help me shop she feels like she is picking things out anyway. Plus, I am totally that Mom that usually finds something small to buy the girls on our shopping trips. Thank you Target and your lovely dollar section!
               Anyway, we went to Hobby Lobby the other day so that Princess could pick out supplies to make a dream catcher. She has been having nightmares off and on for awhile (usually when her Daddy is out of town) and I thought that maybe a dream catcher would do the trick. It ended up being the fuzziest, pinkest dream catcher you have ever seen, but it seems to actually be working! When we got the store, Pea laid down the law and refused to get into the cart. Usually this trick is solved if Princess will agree to get in the cart with her, but the carts there are tiny so I thought that this may be a good time to just see how Pea would do walking with me. Mistake Number One. Pea, so excited that she could actually go and grab the merchandise immediately began shopping. She came across some little metal buckets and managed to grasp three in each of her chubby hands. I was actually ok with this, because at least now her hands were full and I thought we might be able to get through the store. Mistake Number Two. The problem with buckets, is that they can be filled with things. All kinds of things. As we made our way down the aisles, Pea would set her buckets down, put a few things inside, and then grab them again and keep on trucking. Pretty soon she had some fake grapes, beaded necklaces, paint brushes, some kitty cat paper plates, party napkins, a pinwheel and some yarn. I kept trying to sneak things out to put them back so we wouldn't make too much of a mess for the employees, but it was a bit like trying to snatch dinner from a cobra because if she caught me there was an immediate hiss and the possibility of a bite so I had to sneak in quickly and then jump back. Princess wasn't helping because she kept finding things to put in Pea's buckets and anytime I would take something out she would say, "But Pea wants it Mommy! She loves those things!" Needless to say we had been in the store half an hour and I still hadn't found what we had come in for. Pea soon abandoned her buckets in favor of just grabbing stuff of the shelves, looking at it until she was done, and then just tossing it on the floor or trying to put it into the cart. I was pretty much just running after the two girls putting things back-nevermind that I was still not sure where to find dream catcher supplies! Then, it happened. Pea found the best thing that she had ever seen in the whole world and was immediately enthralled: a feather boa. She screamed when she saw it and went booking down the aisle to grab it. We admired the lovely boas for a few minutes and then it was time to move on, but Pea wasn't having it. She refused to let me take it out of her hands, and when I finally pried it out she immediately fell to the floor in a full out tantrum.
             Now, I had a bit of experience with Princess and tantrums, and there's a few different ways to handle it. You can go pick them up and attempt to carry them out or throw them into the cart, but let me ask you, would you go pick up a rabid, hissing raccoon? It's kind of like that, only with slightly less chance to catch rabies. Picking them up usually only makes the tantrum worse, and you will probably get maimed in the process. As long as they aren't actually destroying the store or hurting themselves, I usually just let them go ahead and finish. Of course, this route means that you need to be ready to see the whole store rush over and stare since they are positive from the noise that someone is being murdered. Most people see what's happening, offer an encouraging smile, and move on. Then you have the ones who want to linger and will just stand awkwardly and stare with their mouths open. Then there's the ones who like to offer advice, most of it a bit old fashioned or at least not how we are wanting to parent. I had such a gem offered to me while Pea was rolling around in the aisle:

Old Guy: "Seems like she's a bit upset."
Me: "Seems like it."
Old Guy: "You know, back in my day, my parents wouldn't have stood for this kind of thing."
Me: "Huh. Well, I usually just give her a minute and then she works through it and we move on. Did you need something in this aisle? I can move her."
Old Guy: "Seems to me that she's the one who needs something. My Daddy would have tanned my hide so fast..."

I really wish I was better at responding to people like this. Instead of a really clever, witty retort I just mumble something and move away. I wish I could have said something like, "Oh good so you respond to violence, then? If I start smacking you will you go away?" but I just am usually too flabbergasted that a stranger will tell me how to parent to respond well. I know that as parents (and especially as non-parents) we all think we have the answers, but the best thing a stranger can do if they really want to help is to simply offer encouragement and move on. I certainly don't want to hang out with a kid throwing a tantrum, why would a random person want to??
           Pea calmed down eventually and we found everything we needed for the dreamcatcher for Princess. I was thinking about how big Pea is getting now, and how throwing tantrums is actually just a sign that she is gettting older and more aware of who she is and what she wants. I can see now how the youngest child is babied because it really is hard for me to see her as anything but my little baby, whereas I automatically saw Princess as much older once Pea came along. I was bribing and struggling with getting Pea into her carseat when I saw that same old guy walking by and shaking his head. Maybe next time I see him I will have something clever to say, but I suppose knowing that I am doing the best I can is the best way to get back at him. Well, that, and also that Princess happened to stick her lollipop against his car door and I may or may not have left it there.

Princess: Go Vegan, Spider!

Today when we were leaving to go in the van I saw a poor little baby roly poly stuck in a spider web! I wanted to get it out because I was afraid the spider would eat it but Mommy told me that it was already dead and we couldn't help it. I told her the spider was mean and she said that spiders have to eat bugs just like we have to eat our own food and that if they didn't eat bugs then there would be so many bugs that we wouldn't even be able to walk without stepping on them! I guess that's good. I asked Mommy if we eat bugs and she said no, we don't eat bugs or any animals because we are vegan. I said that the spider should eat leaves and tofu like we do so that they don't have to eat poor little bugs. I went over to the web and I said, "Go vegan, spider!" Hmph. I hope he heard me.

Princess and Pea Diary: Daddy's Home!

Princess: Our Daddy is home! He has been on an airplane for a long time and I have missed him so, so much!
Pea: Me too! Me too! I would stand at the end of the driveway and shout, "da da!" but he never came!
Princess: Mommy said that he would be coming home really late and that I would be asleep when we went to pick him up. I said that I would sleep on the couch and wait so that as soon as he got home he could come and give me a bear hug and a big kiss.
Pea: Me too! Me too!
Princess: You didn't want to sleep on the couch Pea! You wanted to sleep on the bed with Mommy because you're just a baby.
Pea: You like to sleep with Mommy too and besides I like kisses from Daddy!
Princess: Well, anyway I went to sleep and then Mommy got me and put me in the car. Then we drove and drove and drove a long time and I went back to sleep and when I opened my eyes my Daddy was in the car! He gave me hugs and kisses and I told him all about how Kiyoshi came to play with me and then I told him how much I missed him!
Pea: Me too!
Princess: You did not! You slept the whole time! Anyway after he gave me hugs I told him I was sleepy and I went back to sleep.
Pea: Then we got home and I got kisses too!
Princess: You were still sleeping.
Pea: But I got kisses anyway!
Princess: We both went back to sleep but when I woke up guess what? Daddy was still there! And he gave me presents! He got me a monster shirt which I didn't like at first because I don't like monsters because they're scaaaaaaary but then when he got home from his office I liked it.
Pea: And I got one too and I liked it!
Princess: You didn't like it until later either. I was worried that when Daddy left he wouldn't be coming back again but he did! He came back home and we had dinner and played tickle monster chase!
Pea: I played too! And Daddy carried me around and I got to sit on his lap!
Princess: Yeah but he played with me more. After dinner he helped me make a dream catcher so I won't have bad dreams!
Pea: Me too!
Princess: You did not! You don't have bad dreams and besides all you did was eat the beads and then you fell asleep on Mommy.
Pea: Well, I was tired ok??
Princess: It was kind of boring making the dream catcher so I made a spider web with the yarn in Daddy's office. It was cool! I don't know why Mommy and Daddy didn't like it.
Pea: Probably because I kept getting caught in it.
Princess: Yeah, you kept messing it up! Anyway, the dream catcher Daddy made me is pink and fuzzy with pink beads and pink feathers that I picked out and guess what? It worked and last night I didn't have bad dreams!
Pea: Yeah and Daddy is going to come home again tonight and have dinner with us and take a bath!
Princess: I know-I was the one who told you that this morning! I love having my Daddy home!
Pea: Me too! Me too!

Ballet Under the Stars: An Epic Fail of a Night

           Princess cannot wait to take a "real dancing class with pink tutus and pink shoes and pink tights"! I realized that she hadn't actually seen a live dance concert, so when I heard about the free ballet at a local park we made plans to go. My husband is out of town, so it was a girl's night out to the ballet! Princess was so excited she actually agreed to take a nap, and when she woke up it was full on ballerina mode. She wanted to wear her tutu (a pink swimsuit with a tutu sewn in), and let me know that Pea wanted to wear the same one. I had to buy Pea her own suit like this, after she kept trying to stick her little fat feet through the leg holes before Princess could when dressing, thinking that this would make it hers. Princess also decided that she needed "dancing shoes" which are some plastic play high heeled shoes. Pea wanted some too, and as we headed out they were both decked out in tutus, tiaras, bows, high heeled shoes, necklaces, bracelets and wands. I love the imagination kids have when it comes to dressing! Princess has always loved to accessorize, ever since she was around 18 months and fell in love with mardi gras beads. She wore them everywhere, which inspired a lot of really uncomfortable jokes. Her absolute favorite thing to wear at that age? A huge bling necklace with a giant dollar sign hanging from the chain. I really don't know how we acquired this piece-evidently it was a leftover from one of my husband's Halloween costumes but I tried not to ask too many questions. She wore it everywhere, and it was one of the few times that I made an effort to make sure people knew that she had been the one to pick it out. I usually don't worry about what people think of how my kids are dressed because I'd like to think that if the outfit is totally crazy they will realize that they dressed themselves. I mean, surely if they see that I am dressed in clothes that match they will assume that I did not plan my children's wardrobes. Unless, that is, my clothes really don't match...
           Anyway! We swung by Whole Foods to pick up a picnic dinner and then went out to the park. It was a beautiful 100 degrees, but we had our pick of spots since we were early and got a place front and center. We threw down our blanket and went to find some shade to eat dinner. The girls had picked out vegan pizza, and I had also gotten them some veggies and strawberries. I had gotten some vegan chicken salad and some rolls, and was super stoked to enjoy the food. Opening the container, it looked a little different than normal. Smelling it... what the heck was this? How did I get Tuna salad instead of vegan chicken salad? Awesome-distracted Mom in the grocery store strikes again! Ok, well surely... how did I only buy this for myself for dinner? I usually buy enough food to feed an army so the fact that I suddenly just had a roll to eat was a bit out of character. No matter, when the girls weren't looking I snagged a few bites and missing one meal certainly won't hurt me! Nothing was going to ruin our wonderful outing! After a lovely picnic the girls wanted to eat their popsicles so we went and sat on the blanket by the stage in the sun and watched the dancers warm up. Princess and Pea were so taken by the dancers already! They stood up and started to try and copy their movements and the dancers looked out and saw them in their tutus and started waving at them! A couple even came out and told the girls they were cute and showed Princess a few moves. The girls were on cloud nine and I was feeling quite smug with the fun event I had brought them to. The show was going to start at seven and it was about quarter til when I realized that something was wrong if they were still putting up lights, setting music, and the dancers were still warming up in their sweats. A few of us were getting nervous that we had gotten the time wrong, and it turns out that they had advertised it wrong and the show started at 8:30. Now, for those of you that have had to keep small children busy in 100 degree heat for a couple of hours know that suddenly adding an hour and a half onto your sentence is daunting. Especially when it's already getting close to bedtime and you're not sure if the girls will last until the show starts. But, feeling that it would be unfair to just go home, I tried to make the best of the situation. Luckily there is an awesome natural pool at the park and the girls were already in their suits, so we just headed over to swim for a bit.
            The only problem with this plan is that I didn't have a bathing suit. I thought I might have one hanging out in the van since I kind of have a little bit of everything else in there, but no such luck. I did randomly have Princess' swim floaties so that was good, and I applauded myself for being lazy and not cleaning out the van since it came in so handy. I kind of go back and forth on this-being lazy and having lots of random stuff in the van has come in handy lots of times, but every time I lift out the girls' seats and discover the little world of food and randomness living under that I vow to stop off at the vacuum every day on our way home. It's kind of a vicious cycle. I considered swimming in my underwear since it was the one time in my life that my underwear and bra actually matched, but I just couldn't do it. I blame it on being a Mom, but I also wondered if I would get kicked out. Luckily the pool has one whole end that really only goes up to my knees so I waded in after the girls and they walked around. Oh, to be surrounded by water that you can't actually swim in on a hot day! Torture. Luckily, I wasn't tortured for long. There's lots of algae at the bottom of the pool, and without shoes it can be quite slippery. I was helping Princess over a rock when my foot hit a slick spot and up in the air I went. Splash! It probably wouldn't have been a big deal, I mean it felt amazing, but I had decided to wear a light dress that is actually quite clingy. I hadn't realized this in the store since going into a dressing room with kids is a horrible idea and I usually end up having to run out half naked after one of them, but needless to say it was extra clingy wet. Besides the fact that my underwear matched, it was also a not of the "Mom" variety. Why is it that whenever I find myself in a situation as Mom that shows off my underwear it's always when I decide to try and be human again and wear something fun? And yes, this has happened to me more often than it should happen to anyone.
            Basically, I was now walking around leaving nothing to anyone's imagination about my underwear, how big my ass really is, or my Momma pooch, which I can't seem to get rid of no matter how many times I start to work out and then quit days later. Really, you'd think I would have seen some sort of improvement by now. At this point Princess also informed me that she had pooped in her swimsuit. Awesome since she wasn't wearing a swim diaper and I hadn't brought any wipes with me. Yay for outdoor showers in the women's locker room! We got all cleaned up, I could already feel my dress drying in the heat, and had only been called a hooker once. We were still having fun! With more time to kill, we headed over to the playgrond. Now, this playground is awesome but absolutely huge. I honestly don't like going to it by myself with the girls because it's hard to keep track of both of them at once. Faced with another hour to kill, I decided it was worth it. I took Pea on a slide, and since it was a faster tube slide I put her on my lap and down we went. Sort of. About halfway through my wet dress slid out from under me and my wet thighs got completely stuck on the plastic. I mean, we were wedged. And boy, gotta love the sound wet skin makes on plastic! Suddenly, I felt something hit me and I realized that kids were still coming down the slide! I tried to tell them to stop but they kept coming! It was a train of children with me in the lead, and each time they bumped me I would slide forward a bit, squeaking the whole way. BUMP! SKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! BUMP! SKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! It was not attractive and it was starting to burn, but since concerned parents were sticking their heads up the slide and getting a full look at what was under my skirt instead, I thought it best to put up with the pain. After about 50 children piled into the slide, I popped out like a cork from a bottle and they all came flying out behind me. We all sat around dazed for a moment and I watched as Moms and Dads rushed to collect their children while giving me the hairy eyeball. Ok, so no more slides!! Princess and Pea had a blast and time passed quickly-soon it was time to head over to the show! I gave us a bit of time since it was a little further away and I needed to change Pea's diaper-the poor thing had a regular one on and it had soaked up most of the water from the pool so she was having to waddle around the playground to compensate for how gigantic it was. The only way off the play scape was down the slide, so down we went again with my now dry dress held firmly in place. We walked away and I went to check the time on my phone again, and here is where the night went from comically tragic to tragic. My phone was gone. Well, ok I mean I just looked at it and then went down the slide so it should still be there... it's not. If this were a TV show, cue the clip of someone dumping an enormous pile of crap on my head. I started frantically searching the playground, while Pea (who had just been promised milk) clinged to me crying and Princess (who had just been promised another popsicle and a dancing show) dug in her heels and made me drag her the entire way. A lovely, lovely woman asked what was wrong and sent her two children out to search, and she also started calling my phone. So, so nice! We looked for at least half an hour but by the end 20 parents had looked over the playground and we concluded someone had picked it up. A huge cosmic thank you to all of you that helped me last night-I hope wonderful things happen to you in return! I did get lucky though and the one pay phone left in America was located next to the snack shack and magically still had the receiver attached and didn't have gum stuck in the buttons and I was able to call my husband to get him to cancel my phone line. Plus, since I had to shell out $3.25 for a bottle of water because I hadn't planned to BE IN THE PARK FOR 10 HOURS I had lots of quarters. So, ok, not gonna cry yet-let's go see this stupid ballet damnit!!
           I had lucked out with the best parking spot ever, so while I was changing Pea, Princess dug through the bag and discovered that the leftover popsicles had completely melted. Suddenly, she is melting down about popsicles, Pea is refusing to leave the car and is grabbing the steering wheel with her hands while I pull on her ankles, and people are stopping to stare. Somehow, the show hasn't started yet!! We can still make it! I tucked a girl under each arm, grabbed my bag, and jogged over to the stage. I'm sure people were super stoked to find me coming, and especially when they found out they were sitting next to me. Princess was still upset that we didn't have "popa-cycles", I was trying to finish getting Pea dressed, and once we sat down I discovered that we couldn't see the stage. The sound guys were sitting front and center, which I may have known if WE HADN'T SHOWN UP 5 HOURS EARLY and a Dad and his two daughters were sitting on the ledge right in front of us. I pulled a Seth Myers and went through a "Really?" segment in my head. I mean, REALLY? We get an awesome spot, front and center, and the sound guys are blocking the stage? REALLY? We leave to go kill time for 2 hours after already killing time for 2 hours and we come back to a full hillside so WE CAN'T EVEN MOVE? REALLY? I have walked around looking like a drowned rat and getting dirty looks, I'm starving, I got stuck in a slide and I LOST MY FREAKING PHONE TO SEE THIS STUPID BALLET AND NOW WE CAN'T EVEN SEE THE STAGE?? REALLY?? AARGGEEEEEEHHHHHHHAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! Somehow, the people heard me. Maybe I actually said that last part out loud-I'm not sure, but suddenly the family in front of us moved down to the ground from the ledge and the sound guys actually scooted over. Suddenly, we had the best view in the house! And the show was starting! And I remembered that I had bought a pack of vegan brownies and we suddenly had sweets! If it hadn't been dark I would have sworn I was sitting in a beacon of light.
           The show was awesome, and both girls were completely into it the whole time. Pea kept standing up to dance and clap, and both got upset whenever a song was over. The show was to rock music, so it was a lot of fun. Princess turned to me after each song and said, "Are there going to be more Princesses??" and when I would say yes her face would absolutely light up and she would turn back to the stage with her eyes glowing. The family in front of us turned out to be awesome-we talked during intermission and the Dad's two twin daughters danced with Astoria and showed her some ballet moves while we talked and Pea got to pet his dog. He even didn't mind that during the second act Pea got so excited that she let out the banshee a few times. Somehow he actually thought this was cute so I went with it. We gathered our blanket and pillows after the show and made the short walk back to our car, all of us still swaying to the music. Princess broke down once we got in, mostly because it was now 10 pm but also because she said, "I don't want to leave the show! I love the show so much!"
            I got her to calm down and as we were driving home in the sleepy darkness, she made the whole night totally worth it:
P: "Mommy? Am I growing all the time?"
M: "Yup-you're getting bigger every day!"
P: "Am I growing up to be a Mommy?"
M: "You're growing up to be big like a Mommy and if you want to be a Mommy you certainly can be."
P: "I think I do want to grow up to be a Mommy. I want to be a Mommy like you because you took me to see the dancing show and it was the best thing ever!"
            Sigh. And once again, my little ones are able to pull me back off the ledge that they pushed me out onto in the first place. In the end, it's just a lost phone, and because I had an awesome app on there I was able to locate it and see that it was stolen, wipe all data from it, plus it had backed up all my pictures and stuff to their website. The phone was a birthday present from my husband and that part sucks but I suppose it could have been worse-it could have been my car keys. Or my children. So now I am just waiting for the day that Princess, so inspired by the show she saw so early in life, becomes a world famous dancer and when she makes her first million she will send me a new phone (that will probably have holographic images shoot out of the person you are calling like Princess Leia) with a simple note that says, "Thanks for taking me to the dancing show Mommy, it was the best night ever."