Princess Diary: The WORST Day of My LIFE

Yesterday was the WORST day of my LIFE. First, Mom wouldn't buy me peanuts because she said she had just gotten us breakfast at the store and that we still had muffins to finish in the car. WHATEVER I'd I had KNOWN that I wouldn't be able to get peanuts I wouldn't have gotten breakfast! I didn't even ask for a muffin and poopy ol' Mommy got it for me anyway! THEN I wanted to kiss G some but she said that he had enough kisses and hugs. LIKE YOU CAN EVER GET ENOUGH KISSES AND HUGS! All I want to do is love my brother and SHE WON'T LET ME! After THAT, she wouldn't give me ketchup for my lunch!! She said that I need to eat less ketchup and that since I like cashews without ketchup that I just had to eat them because ketchup isn't that good for you. WHATEVER! I only like cashews without ketchup if i's breakfast time and NOT at LUNCH so now I am just sitting my room NOT EATING my lunch because this is the WORSTEST thing that has EVER happened to me and I AM HAVING THE WORST DAY OF MY WHOLE LIFE AND I HOPE THAT MY MOMMY HEARS ME CRYING AND IS SORRY!! And NO, I don't need a nap!

Concussion Challenge

My children have remarkably hard heads. Truly, if you ever have the misfortune of coming into contact with one, you may confuse the impact with that of a bag of cement, or perhaps think you were just in a car accident. Pea especially tends to run into things with her head, leaving us to wonder how she has not suffered a concussion yet. No exaggeration, one day spent at our local science museum warranted 22 incidents involving her head, 8 of those in about a five minute span when I was changing G in the bathroom and she seemed to just wander around finding all the walks, doors and corners with her head. She does have a larger head, in fact when my pediatrician saw it for the first time at her 6 week checkup they rushed to make sure her head had ALWAYS been so large and wasn't the result of brain swelling, and I really think sometimes her head is too heavy and just falls into things. Regardless, tonight the kids managed to get their heads bashed together rather severely 3 times in a span of about 3 minutes to the point where I was almost rooting for them to beat Pea's record of 8 times. Really, at some point it gets ridiculous to the point of hilarity, reminding me more of a Marx brothers movie than real life. Luckily, they somehow pulled themselves together and we were able to move on to a tear free dinner, but I really do wonder, after some of the encounters we have had, what it would take to warrant a concussion. Hopefully, we will never find out. But hey, at least I know that if they choose careers as stunt doubles, demolition derby drivers or MMA fighters, I probably don't have to worry.

I'm Cold! A Daily Charade in Three Acts

Act I:

We open in a child's bedroom. There are bunk beds with stuffed animals and covers pulled back, books and toys decorate the floor, and sunlight filters in through rainbow curtains. Two young girls, ages 5 (PRINCESS) and 3 (PEA), are going through their dresser drawers deciding what to wear. They pull various items out and throw them onto the floor until they have both chosen outfits. Princess is wearing a short sleeved shirt, a skirt, and rain boots. Pea is still wearing a long sleeved top and is pulling on pants as a harried mother enters the room holding a baby. Both the mother (MOM) and baby (G) are bundled in long pants and sweaters.

Mom: "Girls? Are you ready to go?"
Princess: "Yeah! Don't I look beautiful?"
Pea: "Mommy I need help cuz I can't find my socks."
Mom: "Ok Pea, just one second. Princess, it's pretty cold outside. You probably want to wear tights with that skirt."
Princess: "I don't have any tights in my drawer."
Mom: "That means they are all in the laundry. You should probably change into pants."
Princess: "I don't want to wear pants. I want to look pretty in my skirt."
Mom: "You are beautiful all the time, but you will also be cold unless you put on pants."
Princess: "I won't be cold. I will wear a jacket."
Pea: "I don't have to wear a jacket because I have long sleeves!"
Mom: "Pea, it's really cold out so you will still need a jacket. Princess if you don't want to wear pants you will have to stay here."
Princess: "But I want to wear my skirt and tights!"
Mom: "Do you have tights in your drawer?"
Princess: "No."
Mom: "Then you need to wear pants. If you don't want to wear pants you will have to stay here."
Princess: "But I want to wear my skirt and tights!"
Mom: "Do you have tights in your drawer?"
Princess: "No."
Mom: "Then you need to wear pants."
Princess: " But!"

Meanwhile,  PEA has undressed and is now wearing a dress up princess dress and princess heels.

Mom: "Pea! It's too cold for that!"
Pea: "But I will wear a jacket!"

Act II

We open to a paved driveway and minivan idling by the sidewalk. MOM is locking up the house juggling a diaper bag and an infant car seat, while PRINCESS and PEA walk to the car. PRINCESS has found some tights that look too small, and is continually pulling them up as she walks. PEA is still in her princess outfit, although she has put on a jacket and socks. Both girls get into the car and begin buckling their seat belts.

Princess: "Mom! Turn on the hot air! It's cold in here!!"
Pea: "Brrrr! Mommy my seat is cold!"
Mom: "I told you guys! The hot air is on but it's going to take a minute."
Princess: "I'm freezing to death! Close the doors!"
Mom: "I have to get your brother in! Calm down! I told you to wear pants!"
Pea: "I need a blanket!"
Mom: "I don't have a blanket."
Pea: "There's a blanket!"
Mom: "That is your brother's blanket."

MOM gets into her seat and looks back.

Mom: "Pea, give him back his blanket!"

Act III:

We open in front of a grocery store. The kids have unloaded and are walking toward the store, shivering dramatically and hunched over.

Princess and Pea: "I am so cold! Mommy! It's freezing out here!"
Mom: "Just keep moving! Get into the store!"

Strangers pass by, glancing at the scantily clad children and shaking their heads as their cries get louder. PEA throws herself onto the ground and hunches into a ball and refuses to move.

Mom: "Pea! Get up! Let's get inside!"
Pea: "It's too cold! I want a blanket!"

G wails. A few more strangers pass and openly give looks of disapproval. MOM struggles to pick PEA up while juggling the diaper bag, G, and reusable grocery bags. Her keys fall. While picking them up, her phone falls. While picking that up, her diaper bag crashes to the ground. Finally, she hoists everything, including PEA into her arms.

Mom: "Come on Princess! We are almost there!"
Princess: "But Mom! Why didn't you TELL us it was going to be SO COLD????"

As they enter the store, MOM throws everything into the cart leaving little space for actual groceries, and the stage goes dark.


                                                                  The End?

G Diary: Sister Love

It's really nice that my sisters love me. It is. But really, and I hate to complain, do they have to love me SO much? When the big one kisses me, she actually sucks my cheek into her mouth. Literally. I can feel my face being pulled into that black hole of a mouth and all I can hear is Sluuuuurrrrpp then POP which is my cheek escaping and slamming back onto my face. Plus, she does it a bunch of times in a row! So it's Sluuuurrrppp POP! Sluuuuurrrrpppp POP! Sluuuuuurrrrpppp POP! Until my face feels like it's a rubber band. The worst part is, I can't do anything about it! I don't know who thought it would be a good idea to make babies unable to speak at birth, but it sucks. Sorry Mom, I know you were hoping for otherwise, but I'm pretty sure my first word is going to be, "STOP!"

We're baaaaack! For reals this time

Ok, so we took another small break from the world of blogging. Since I last wrote, we welcomed our little G man into our lives! For those of you that may have followed before, you'll be glad (or sad?) to know that we didn't end up laboring on the side of the road, although considering I was 9 cm dilated and G was born within an hour, we came pretty close. I have to say, when I was turned around clutching the seat as my husband sped around hairpin turns at what felt like 100 mph screaming that it was time and mooning everyone who passed us, it seemed the pop up birthing center in the back of the van may have come in handy after all. Somehow, we made it and while I almost stepped on G's head in the birthing pool (seriously midwife-if you leave a baby floating in the water, tell a Momma that tidbit before she tries to turn around) all was well and Princess and Pea became big sisters.

All in all things have been going well for us, although I know your life just hasn't been the same as you have wondered what we have been up to. The highlights? Princess turned 5 and had an amazing Spider-man party complete with a fight scene her uncles put together which included smoke bombs, costumes, silly string and most small children running to their parents terrified, my brother and sister in law announced they are in the process of adopting twin boys (God bless (help!?) 'em, We took a road trip across the country and I almost went into labor in several seedy hotel room bathtubs, another brother got engaged to an amazing girl and fulfilled the Princess and Pea's dreams by asking them to be flower girls (let's hope Princess doesn't drop the F bomb this time), Princess learned enough about pregnancy and childbirth to decide she wants to adopt as well, I hastily made Storm and Jubilee costumes the night of Halloween with mostly duct tape and we gave a little back to each house we visited in the form of shredded tape and cloth, we survived the holidays despite Princess asking the big questions about Santa which led to me somehow ruining Mickey Mouse for her forever, Princess turned 3 and had an epic Tangled birthday party that was only in a little bit of danger of burning down the neighborhood, and so far the New Year has actually been pretty calm. Well, besides my solo road trip last weekend to see my brother's art in a gallery in which Pea almost bought us a $700 broken piece of art. Sprinkle in a few awkward breast feeding and newborn poop stories and you are all caught up!

I really have missed you, dear readers. I hope this time it sticks.