My little Pea is growing up. She seems to have really hit a developmental growth spurt these past couple of weeks and is turning into quite the grown up! Basically, this means that she has started to not only figure out that she wants things how she wants them, but also that she has power over me. Namely: absolutely refusing to do something by running away, using her fat rolls as weapons, and throwing tantrums. She will no longer get into her carseat willingly, will run away immediately upon seeing a diaper or clothes in my hands, and has pretty much taken on the dominant role when it comes to breastfeeding. Although she hasn't quite figured out that she can pull up my shirt in the grocery store checkout line like Princess did, it's getting to be pretty close. Nursing is always so lovely in the beginning! You cuddle your little one, using the bonding time to stare lovingly down at them and admire how perfect they are. As they get older, they start to set the terms. It's like... well have you ever seen a nature show where a lion chases down an antelope and you watch it chowing down afterwards? It's kind of like that, with only a little less blood. Nowadays Pea throws me down, pulls my shirt up, has her way with me and leaves me rocking in the corner and crying. But the way Pea has really chosen to show her newfound independence is when we go to the store. The store is a hard place for kids because they are used to going places where they are allowed to play with everything and they have no concept of money so they don't understand why they can't carry around that crystal vase since it's so pretty. Princess will sometimes ride in the cart or walk with me, but she has pretty much gotten past the stage of just grabbing things off the shelves or throwing tantrums about wanting something. She has started to grasp the idea of money, and since she can help me shop she feels like she is picking things out anyway. Plus, I am totally that Mom that usually finds something small to buy the girls on our shopping trips. Thank you Target and your lovely dollar section!
Anyway, we went to Hobby Lobby the other day so that Princess could pick out supplies to make a dream catcher. She has been having nightmares off and on for awhile (usually when her Daddy is out of town) and I thought that maybe a dream catcher would do the trick. It ended up being the fuzziest, pinkest dream catcher you have ever seen, but it seems to actually be working! When we got the store, Pea laid down the law and refused to get into the cart. Usually this trick is solved if Princess will agree to get in the cart with her, but the carts there are tiny so I thought that this may be a good time to just see how Pea would do walking with me. Mistake Number One. Pea, so excited that she could actually go and grab the merchandise immediately began shopping. She came across some little metal buckets and managed to grasp three in each of her chubby hands. I was actually ok with this, because at least now her hands were full and I thought we might be able to get through the store. Mistake Number Two. The problem with buckets, is that they can be filled with things. All kinds of things. As we made our way down the aisles, Pea would set her buckets down, put a few things inside, and then grab them again and keep on trucking. Pretty soon she had some fake grapes, beaded necklaces, paint brushes, some kitty cat paper plates, party napkins, a pinwheel and some yarn. I kept trying to sneak things out to put them back so we wouldn't make too much of a mess for the employees, but it was a bit like trying to snatch dinner from a cobra because if she caught me there was an immediate hiss and the possibility of a bite so I had to sneak in quickly and then jump back. Princess wasn't helping because she kept finding things to put in Pea's buckets and anytime I would take something out she would say, "But Pea wants it Mommy! She loves those things!" Needless to say we had been in the store half an hour and I still hadn't found what we had come in for. Pea soon abandoned her buckets in favor of just grabbing stuff of the shelves, looking at it until she was done, and then just tossing it on the floor or trying to put it into the cart. I was pretty much just running after the two girls putting things back-nevermind that I was still not sure where to find dream catcher supplies! Then, it happened. Pea found the best thing that she had ever seen in the whole world and was immediately enthralled: a feather boa. She screamed when she saw it and went booking down the aisle to grab it. We admired the lovely boas for a few minutes and then it was time to move on, but Pea wasn't having it. She refused to let me take it out of her hands, and when I finally pried it out she immediately fell to the floor in a full out tantrum.
Now, I had a bit of experience with Princess and tantrums, and there's a few different ways to handle it. You can go pick them up and attempt to carry them out or throw them into the cart, but let me ask you, would you go pick up a rabid, hissing raccoon? It's kind of like that, only with slightly less chance to catch rabies. Picking them up usually only makes the tantrum worse, and you will probably get maimed in the process. As long as they aren't actually destroying the store or hurting themselves, I usually just let them go ahead and finish. Of course, this route means that you need to be ready to see the whole store rush over and stare since they are positive from the noise that someone is being murdered. Most people see what's happening, offer an encouraging smile, and move on. Then you have the ones who want to linger and will just stand awkwardly and stare with their mouths open. Then there's the ones who like to offer advice, most of it a bit old fashioned or at least not how we are wanting to parent. I had such a gem offered to me while Pea was rolling around in the aisle:
Old Guy: "Seems like she's a bit upset."
Me: "Seems like it."
Old Guy: "You know, back in my day, my parents wouldn't have stood for this kind of thing."
Me: "Huh. Well, I usually just give her a minute and then she works through it and we move on. Did you need something in this aisle? I can move her."
Old Guy: "Seems to me that she's the one who needs something. My Daddy would have tanned my hide so fast..."
I really wish I was better at responding to people like this. Instead of a really clever, witty retort I just mumble something and move away. I wish I could have said something like, "Oh good so you respond to violence, then? If I start smacking you will you go away?" but I just am usually too flabbergasted that a stranger will tell me how to parent to respond well. I know that as parents (and especially as non-parents) we all think we have the answers, but the best thing a stranger can do if they really want to help is to simply offer encouragement and move on. I certainly don't want to hang out with a kid throwing a tantrum, why would a random person want to??
Pea calmed down eventually and we found everything we needed for the dreamcatcher for Princess. I was thinking about how big Pea is getting now, and how throwing tantrums is actually just a sign that she is gettting older and more aware of who she is and what she wants. I can see now how the youngest child is babied because it really is hard for me to see her as anything but my little baby, whereas I automatically saw Princess as much older once Pea came along. I was bribing and struggling with getting Pea into her carseat when I saw that same old guy walking by and shaking his head. Maybe next time I see him I will have something clever to say, but I suppose knowing that I am doing the best I can is the best way to get back at him. Well, that, and also that Princess happened to stick her lollipop against his car door and I may or may not have left it there.
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